40 Embarrassing Moments Of Being Clueless About Simple Things


being cluelessFantastic_Relief

One of my roommates in college would melt plastic spatulas like crazy. She’d always say it was due to the spatula being made of cheap plastic, but I finally caught her one day. She’d be cooking something and would walk away LEAVING THE PLASTIC SPATULA IN THE PAN WHILE IT WAS STILL ON!


Oh gosh, I have a few from when I first went to university, living in halls and realising some people literally did not know how to cook a THING.

There was one girl who bought chicken and kept it in the cupboard, despite being told by pretty much everyone else in the flat that it was meant to go in the fridge or freezer. Flat out refused to listen, kept putting it in the cupboard. Don’t know how she didn’t get sick.

Another flatmate who didn’t eat potato for almost a year because he didn’t know how to peel them and didn’t want to try (I tried to teach him). Then he realised he could buy pre-prepared.

One guy who decided to take a nap whilst cooking sausages for dinner, just left them in the grill and only woke up when the fire alarms were going off and the whole building was being evacuated.

Finally two girls who again almost caused a fire if I hadn’t found them… These two were actually my friends and I was looking for them, found them in one of the kitchens about to “cook” a stir fry. They had a wok with about an inch depth of oil in the bottom, SHIMMERING because it was so hot, and they weren’t sure if it was hot enough to cook with yet. They were really glad I found them because they couldn’t tell that it was boiling oil and were worried the food wouldn’t cook. I was really glad I found them because if they had thrown their stir fry veg in there it would have probably caused a fire, or at least spat boiling oil all over them. I turned it off and tossed one piece of veg in there – turned black almost instantly.

Honestly I was just shocked and appalled that so many 18 year olds had never cooked for themselves before, and even worse that their parents had sent them off to fend for themselves not having taught them. It’s actually scary thinking back!



Not sure if I’d call it “horrifying,” but pretty ridiculous, nonetheless. It’s about me. I just moved into my first home in February of this year. I live alone and am single. Earlier this month I mowed my lawn for the first time. I have never mowed a lawn before, but I’m thinking, how hard can it be? (The answer: not hard at all). Prior to that, I had roped my brother into coming over and doing it for me, but this time I figured I need to actually learn. The lawnmower is an old push mower of my dad’s that he had brought over about a month ago, and he quickly gave me the rundown on how to use it, but I was half paying attention, plus..it’s a lawnmower.

So anyway, I go to start it up, takes me at least 10 tries of pulling the cord as hard as I can with no luck until finally it fires up. I then proceed to begin mowing, and I KNOW this thing is self-propelling – it says so right on it, but I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why it’s so hard to push. The wheels aren’t locked or anything, so I just figure it’s a combination of me not having much upper body strength and my lawn having a lot of uneven spots/divots that prevented the mower from moving smoothly. I finally finish, sweating my ass off like I had just finished seriously working out (my yard is very small…even I finished the front and back in about a half hour-40 mins). Upon reflection, I’m still not convinced that the mower was self-propelling. I mean I know I’m not strong and am somewhat petite, but STILL. So I’m sharing this story with friends and co-workers like wtf did I do wrong and they’re all asking me about this lever, and I’m like yeah, obviously I had to hold the lever down or the motor kills. Well, turns out there’s a SECOND lever that you have to squeeze in order to propel the lawnmower.

I manually pushed that MFer around my whole yard, divots, hills and all, ended up with a blister on my thumb, and sweating profusely through my shirt. Not to mention the few times I stopped it and had to re-start it, I pulled the cord literally at least 20 times to get it to start again; I was waiting for one of my neighbors to come over and ask me if I needed help, the struggle was THAT obvious (I also learned about the little button that you push a few times to make starting easier).

So yeah, mowed today, and let’s just say that things went SIGNIFICANTLY better than last time. Growing up, my dad or brother would mow, and in college up until now, I have always lived in apartments or duplexes, nothing that requires residents to do any lawn care. So, at the age of 32, I have finally learned to use a lawnmower.



I had to jump a friend’s car that wouldn’t start. After we finally got it running, she immediately turns off the car and said, ‘Thanks so much, I’ll call you later!’


This is like 10 years ago. I was dating a 32 year old and he asked me if I wanted to get together to watch a TV show. I said sure, what time is it on. He looks it up and says to me “8 Pacific 9 Central…?”

I asked what was confusing him and he told me he wasn’t sure if the show was on at 8 or 9. My man did not know what timezone we lived in.

So I was like “Ok, well you know what ocean we’re near, right?” cuz I was trying to get him to think about the Pacific timezone in terms of the giant body of water for which it was named and he immediately got defensive and for real said “Why would I know that? I’m from Texas.”

He’d been living in San Francisco for 5 years and could see the Pacific Ocean out his window.



being cluelessRageagainstmisogyny

When I first met my Ex he didn’t know how to cook. 40 something year old at the time I met him. He only knew how to use a microwave and the best thing he thought of cooking was chicken thighs.

Chicken thighs cooked in the microwave, everything was cooked in the microwave. Wet, soggy, colorless flesh with no flavoring, that’s not how it works, that not how any cooking should be done.



I took a food safety course and someone asked if they could wash a turkey with dish soap.


being cluelessthrowingverbalrocks

I had spent the night at my ex boyfriend’s place and stayed a bit longer in the morning to help clean the house. I was folding some clothes when I noticed him go from one side of the bed to another without actually doing anything. I looked at him and he looked clueless. He said “can you please make the bed? I’ve never done this, no idea where to start”. I didn’t mean to have a strong reaction to it but man did it leave me speechless… he was 26 at the time. That day I realized his mother often visited his house to make the bed and clean… Yeah…


Three months into our freshman year of college a friend of mine developed a rash. I suggested he look into hypoallergenic sheets and swap out his others. His response: “I’ve used the same sheets since we moved in, it’s not the sheets.” Mind you, not the same of sheets, but the same exact sheets unchanged and slept/eaten upon/etc. for three months.



I guess we were still in high school, but we were 18. Me and my buddy Ferris were just getting into going to the gym. We went with Ferris’s friend Tom. After working out, in the changing room during some small talk I saw Tom putting on a shirt. Tom put the shirt over his head, but didn’t put his arms through the sleeves. He managed to pull the shirt over his torso so that it was adequately on before wiggling all about and bending his arms in odd ways to get them into the sleeves. I didn’t take much notice to it the first few times. But after a few months it was apparent he did this every single time. Tom didn’t know how to put on a shirt. At least efficiently. Eventually we asked Tom why he put his shirt on like that, and he said something along the lines of “Wait what, don’t I do it the same way you guys do?” I guess he had never really thought about it before then.