What Do You Do With Your SO That Isn’t Normal?



We have a ‘Kiss Monster’ (spoiler alert: it’s me with a blanket over my head), that visits my SO every now and gives him loads of kisses before slinking off again into the night.

We have never acknowledged that I am in fact, the Kiss Monster.



We’ve been married for 32 years. We’re both professionals in career with kids no longer at home. Yet for our entire marriage whenever one of us travels we do something special for the one traveling. My wife’s method is to sneak into my luggage and leave little love notes and comments and requests for a hot call on colored cards. I’m talking I’ll pull on a dress shirt and discover a little card in the pocket that says, “call me at 11:00 my time hot stuff”. The people at my work where I travel to the same location now laugh when I reach into a coat pocket, pull one out and read it. Or they see the collection in the pocket of my back pack. I travel 8-12 times a year so this is some work.

My approach is a little different. I write one very romantic or passionate letter or story or poem. Or I sketch something I found beautiful and add a small note. She has saved them over the years so not only one per time she travels but Mother’s Day or birthday, or sometimes random desire to let her know I love her. It’s now a small book.

Also, we always end the day in a call together. Even if I’m in Mumbai and one of us has to stay up until 1:00am or get up at 4:am, we always tell each other we love them and good night.

She still tells me the most romantic thing ever was one time I typed two pages of reasons why I loved her then cut them up into tiny pink strips (numbered of course) and then went through all of her personal stuff and hide them in places only she would find them. Like one inside a pocket in every jacket. One inside her thick and thin gloves. One per drawer in her dresser. One in her makeup kit suitcase. And so on. It took her more than seven months to find them all. She said it made her day to find one four months on, just stumble across it. I did get this from the author of a book called 101 Passionate Nights. So I can’t take credit for the idea. But it was a total surprise to her. Those two pages of taped-together comments are also in her book of love notes.

Yes, she tells me I’m more romantic and mushy than she is.



When me and my ex would get into dumb arguments/debates we used to “send it to council to be reviewed”. There was no council. There would be no review. It was basically our way of shelving an argument that would never have a winner. Every now and then we’d ask each other if we’ve gotten an update from council on what the judgement was.



We puff out our bellies and make them touch so that the “babies” can talk to each other. I’m not pregnant and he’s definitely not pregnant



Me and my girlfriend have started using very random and increasing complex pet names when we answer a phonecall from one another. Its so often now that sometimes i’ll forget and in public loudly answer with “hello my Persian tropical icecream sweety watermelon minx.” Or something to that effect, it changes everytime.



Whenever he sneezes, I shout as aggressively as I can SHUT UP. To which he responds even louder, YOU SHUT UP. This is everywhere. At home, in public, it doesn’t matter. It’s gotten to the point where I consciously have to stop myself from shouting at anyone else who sneezes.



He absolutely must touch my butt at least once every time we go to Walmart. I can’t even remember how this started, but it’s totally f**king weird if we forget.

And Floor Dollar. A dollar bill that had fallen out of one of our pockets in the washer, and consequently fell down into the crack between the machines when I was transferring the clothes to the dryer. We both ignored it for like year because we were too lazy to use a broom or whatever to fish it out, and then one of us finally acknowledged it to the other. We decided to leave it there as a symbol of our wealth; we’ve never been down to our last dollar. It now has a quarter for a friend.



I run outta the bathroom after brushing my teeth in the morning yelling “fresh mouth” and he gets so excited and puckers up for a kiss. Everytime



My ex used to want me to body slam her onto the bed all the time.



Sometimes he puts his mouth over my nose and blows, causing me to make a horrific, monstrous sound of air coming through my nasals and out of my mouth. We call this The Exorcism.

It’s gross and weird but I love that we can be gross and weird together.