What’s The Best Question Your Therapist Has Asked You?


“Do you realize you don’t have post partum depression, but are the victim of an abusive relationship?”

Changed everything for me.



“Guilt implies that you did something wrong. Do you think you did the wrong thing?”

In terms of ending a relationship that was hurting my mental health.. really made me rethink the things I have felt guilty about in the past! He also said that guilt is a learned feeling. We aren’t born feeling guilt. People make us feel that way. Interesting!




“Why do you gaslight yourself so much?”

I wasn’t even aware that you could gaslight yourself. Comming to terms with my trauma was difficult. Somedays I still tell myself I’m still just overreacting or remembering it wrong..



“At what point does trying become doing?”

I was having a rough time and felt like nothing was going right despite how hard I was trying, and I said just that: “I’m trying, I’m trying”. And she asked when does ‘you’re trying’ become ‘you’re doing’? You’re trying and you’re doing this this and this, so are you ‘doing’ or trying? Basically I needed to give myself more credit and stop being so hard on myself and recognize what I was doing right.

Also one of my all time favorite things she said that anyone has ever said was “Emotions that get buried alive never die”. So, let that sh*t out and deal with it.



What are you hearing me say?


“You can’t give someone the shirt off your back…if you do, what are you going to wear?”

Hated this in the moment, because at the time giving to others was a huge part of my identity – always making sure I was there for other people. And I used to get angry when I would never get that back, because in my head it meant that no one cared enough about me to give what I was giving. Turns out, they were just establishing their boundaries for what they’re able to give without emotionally draining themselves like I was. I still struggle with it to some degree but at least now I feel better about taking care of myself first. Nine time out of ten, people understand that and have been very supportive.




My therapist doesn’t usually ask questions but she did ask me something that made me think deeply during my architecture licensure examinations.

She asked me, “If you were an honor graduate in college, you tested well, and you studied, why wouldn’t you pass the exam?”

I guess my imposter syndrome is really really on high and I was totally afraid of failing. I passed, and it’s been three years since then.

My guidance counselor in college made me realize how much I needed psychotherapy.

She asked me, “Some people would be happy when they tell you your strengths, but why are you crying?”

It made me realize that I don’t believe myself even when I’m telling the truth. I don’t believe that I have the capacity to do anything good.



“How would you feel about that situation if a child was present-any child, not anyone’s in particular.”

Made it easier to accept and set my boundaries


“Can you control other people and their actions?”

I struggle hard with anxiety and I was in a relationship with a narcissist. My therapist asked me this in the middle of a rant about how I always felt like I had to explain my ex’s bad behavior to others. And I just kind of sat there like…. You know what, no. I can’t. Nothing I do will make my ex change or stop doing what he does. And it’s not my job to make him decent to be around.




“And is that working for you?”

She says it all the time. It’s really helped me understand that there are reasons I’ve thought about or done things a certain way and that isn’t bad, but now that my life is different those ways are not working for me anymore.