i was in an abusive relationship that left me severely traumatized, I’ve been in therapy for a year now and recently we were talking about responsibility, and how I felt like I should’ve done more to protect myself and see the warning signs, talking about the first time he got frustrated with me for talking to another man. And my therapist asks, “When he got irritated with you that first time, did you know in that moment that he would end up throwing you against a wall and you’d have to flee his house in the middle of the night in the dead of winter with no shoes on?” and when i chuckled and said no, I had just expected that to be normal jealousy that we could work out together, and she says “exactly. You couldn’t have known. Nobody expects their partner to abuse them. You need to be kind to your past self, you have experiences now that would help you if this sort of thing happened again, but you didn’t then. You couldn’t have known, and that’s ok.”
this retelling is not nearly as eloquent as her response was mind you but english is not my first language so im translating xD
“Are you upset because of something someone said, or are you upset because of the way you heard it?”
This led to me learning that I overthink/overanalyze situations and create my own perception of people being mad at me.
“You’re free to lie to me. Have you considered, not lying to yourself?”
Was a slap in the face, but in the best way possible.
“Does that actually make you a bad mother or does it just not live up to the impossible standard you have set for yourself?”
Oof, that was a hell of an eye opener.
“Do you want to die or don’t you know how to go further?”
Really made me think
“Why aren’t you allowed to be happy right now, instead of when you’ve lost weight?” I suffer from binge eating disorder, and this is the reason I went to therapy in the first place. The hardest thing I learned through therapy is that I had to accept myself for who I am now in order to make any progress. This helped because I wasn’t putting so much pressure on myself to lose weight — like everything was riding on it.”
“I gained a lot of weight and went back and forth with diets, calorie counting, and excessive exercise to try and counteract my excessive eating. Obviously, none of this worked, which just made me feel completely hopeless as I gained more and more weight.
I had to like my body and be happy and content in my skin. I am happy with the way things are now, although I accept that I have to make healthier lifestyle choices since I am still overweight.
If this sounds familiar to anyone, get professional help. You are not lazy, you have a mental health issue that needs treatment. It was like a weight lifted from my shoulders that felt like it had been there my whole life.
Wouldn’t it be nice if for once someone would take care of you?
“How can you get better if you still live with your trigger?”
Moved out a month after she asked that.
“Did you know that ‘no’ is a complete sentence?”
… and what’s stopping you from doing that?
Sometimes it’s helpful to have someone point out that in many ways we are/create our own obstacles.